I frequent a forum for bariatric patients and one question asked was if anyone had any regrets. A lot of people responded with the only regret they have is not having it sooner. The thing about me is I don’t even regret that. I had the surgery when I was ready. If I had had it at any point before then, I know I would have failed miserably. I told my therapist this today and she asked why I think I would have failed. While I know the answer, I never really examined the reasons why I would have failed. The few times I tried to have the surgery, I believed losing weight was the only way I could be happy. I thought that having the surgery was going to solve everything and all of my problems would disappear. If only that were true. While my weight issue is getting better, it will never be fully resolved. I will struggle with food addiction the rest of my life, but it is up to me whether I let it win. Knowing I have an addiction to food is the biggest reason I don’t drink alcohol. I’ve never had a problem with alcohol, but I’m not even going to allow it to become an issue.
Speaking of my past attempts at weight loss surgery, I went for a run today and took a route that I used to take during my second attempt with surgery. The nutritionist kept insisting that I needed to keep up an exercise regimen but I was very much against it because I was struggling with depression at the time. It felt like the hardest thing in the world to just walk the 1.5 mile route because I wasn’t motivated to do it. Today on my run, I was going to do the 1.5 mile route again because I wanted to go a shorter distance but spend more of the time running instead of walking (which is what I have been doing). When I got to the point where I could turn and head home, I went the opposite direction and continued running. I ended up going double my intended distance. The last few weeks I have been wanting to get my heart rate into cardio levels for longer periods of time, but I’ve been embarrassed about running in front of people and have instead been mostly walking a 4.5 mile route. Today I made myself get over it and ran for probably 30 of the 45 minutes I was gone. It felt good to keep pushing myself. According to my FitBit, I was in cardio zone for 20 minutes too compared to the 9 minutes it was yesterday on my 4.5 mile walk/run.
So while I would have loved to have had the surgery years ago, I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be running 3 miles a day 8 months after surgery because I wouldn’t have been motivated to exercise. I know I would have cheated and eat more than I should and more frequently. I don’t regret not having it sooner, because I had it at a time when I could be successful.
Weight: 215 lbs
Total Loss: 185 lbs
Left to Lose: 25 lbs
Inches Lost Since January: 53
Pants Size: 14
T-shirt Size: Medium and Large
Amount of Food Eaten at Each Meal: 3/4 cup to 1 cup